How to Allow Yourself to Be Supported By Loved Ones After Experiencing Abuse or Trauma

When circling in the revolving door of “fight, flight and freeze” states, I distanced myself from others.

Mostly out of fear that the all-consuming heaviness I carried was all I had left to offer. And it was the last thing I wanted to exchange.

However, what I truly needed then was:

• Connection
• Compassion
• Permission to share

Because nobody in my circle quite knew how to help walk me through that pain, out of respect, most of them lovingly gave me the distance I requested.

I felt more alone than ever before.

Now, as I’ve made my way closer to the other side, these are 3 things I wish I had known to say then:

“I’m feeling afraid that by sharing, I’m going to pass this heaviness onto you. Out of that fear, I keep my pain to myself.”

“This pain is all-consuming. I honestly don’t have space to be here for you in my usual capacity, and I feel ashamed of that.

“I’m aware that I deflect your suggestions and advice, which I feel must be draining. I think I just need to be heard right now.”

Saying these things out loud would have given those I love the opportunity to understand where I was in order to both support me and define their own boundaries.

I believe that in most cases, loved ones want to support us through our seasons of suffering.

Sharing ourselves, just as we are, can be that bridge.

Read this post and more on my Typeshare Social Blog